Are You a Positive Parent? –KidsCompanyPH 

They say a happy child is a healthy child. But what does it really take to achieve that as a parent? Every child is different, and so every parent is inclined to undertake different strategies as well. Is positive parenting one of those? 

When you come across the phrase "positive parenting," what comes to mind? Sweet lullabies and gentle kisses when you place your infant in their bed for sleep? When your child finally uses the potty, should you give them a big prize? When your preschooler rides out on his bicycle without training wheels for the first time, does he receive loud applause?

The idea behind positive parenting is that, since birth, children are good and have the desire to do the right thing. It zeroes in on the value of treating one another with respect and using constructive punishment. Instead of punishing previous misconduct, positive parenting strategies lay emphasis on teaching children how to conduct themselves appropriately in the future. 

Scroll down to take a Quiz to evaluate if you are a more of a positive parent or a negative parent!

Table of Contents:

• Positive Parenting vs. Negative Parenting

• 5 Defining Principles for Positive Parenting

• Does Parenting Have a Long-term Impact on Children?

• Tips for Positive Parenting

• What are the Don’ts of Positive Parenting? 

• Parents, It is Okay to Make Mistakes 

• Quiz Time! Are You Wondering if You are a Positive Parent or a Negative Parent? 

 

Positive Parenting vs. Negative Parenting 

The chance to create the groundwork for healthy development can only be done during the formative years of life. Parenting is frequently linked to the development of effortful control; research reveals that parents may assist their children in regulating their emotions and behaviors. For instance, according to Martin Hoffman, an American psychologist, aggressive parenting methods may result in highly agitated kids who are less able to concentrate or switch their attention as needed. On the other hand, parents who are gentle and affirming may encourage kids to be more self-controlled and less prone to get upset or angry. That is to say, parents who show positive emotions typically influence their kids to understand and express different emotions as well. 

Few parents are aware that using positive parenting techniques rather than severe punishment might encourage kids to behave better. Positive parenting has been found to be more advantageous than using timeouts, penalties, and reprimands.  Using constructive punishment and building strong bonds with your kids is crucial. Children can be encouraged to learn self-control via loving advice from parents who practice positive parenting. They will learn to love themselves as a result of this. Children respond better to gentle direction than to threats and punishments when there is a positive discipline in place.  

On that note, positive parenting builds stronger relationships. A stronger parent-child bond is one of the most significant things that positive parenting can do. As mentioned, instead of punishing bad conduct, this parenting approach emphasizes rewarding good behavior, which as a result, can make your child’s feelings acknowledged. Positive parenting has the significant advantage of preventing power disputes and child misbehaving. Children who are punished may feel bad about themselves and behave worse as a consequence. Additionally, it could damage your bond with your child. You two will ultimately engage in power battles because of this. Keep in mind that when there is a power battle between a parent and a child, it can subsequently have a negative impact on the relationship.  

You may still be under the impression that even in their early childhood years, they will not be able to take on anything from how their parents behave towards them, but sadly, it can be discerned that that is not the case. Another study identified five fundamental tenets of positive parenting, and these are a safe and stimulating setting, a positive learning environment, firm discipline, reasonable expectations, and parental self-care. It is important to note that sometimes, parenting can be a difficult task; however, parents do their best to give what their children need and deserve. It can be pretty tricky for first-time parents to achieve that ideal parenting at first, but with time and hard work, they will surely be able to grasp the secret to it. 

 

   

   5 Defining Principles for Positive Parenting, according to research 

Be mindful of the five defining principles for positive parenting: 

1. a) understanding a child's temperament and being flexible with one's parenting style, 

2. b) loving through warmth and nurturing child, 

3. c) reasonable with established rules and consequences, 

4. d) protective by creating a secure environment, 

5. e) educator through offering possibilities for learning and a role model displaying proper conduct and understanding himself/herself. 

 

What are the Long-term Impacts of Negative Parenting?

1. David Kerr, associate professor of psychology at Oregon State University, and other co-authors evaluated questionnaires from 206 boys deemed "at-risk" for delinquent behavior. The researchers have found that children who had high levels of negative parenting as children were more inclined to be antisocial and rebellious as teens.

2. Boys who exhibited these negative qualities in adolescence were more likely to grow up to be inconsistent and unsuccessful parents and to have children who had more negative and demanding behaviors. "Part of what effective parenting does is not just shield you from undesirable habits, but it also instills healthy connections with people during adolescence, which then influences how you behave with your spouse and your own child as an adult," Kerr explained in his article. 

3. It is commonly documented that positive parenting influences a child's growth. But there is a study by Invest in Kids, an organization in Canada, which discovered that 30% of all children had social, emotional, or cognitive issues, which were frequently related to negative parenting. 

4. Children who are neglected or abused are more likely to face juvenile delinquency charges. Inadequate physical and mental development as well as inability to flourish are additional prevalent consequences of poor parenting. Due to the fact that their needs are not being satisfied at home might also result in poor academic achievement. Children who experience inadequate parenting are more likely to be anxious and withdrawn, which has an adverse effect on their performance. 

5. A child who experiences maltreatment, frequent criticism, belittling, and lack of having an opportunity to make decisions is prone to develop poor self-esteem. Children who experience such maltreatment are also believed to be more likely to engage in violent conduct. They learn early on that using violence to resolve conflicts is the only option. Children who see abuse and violence are more likely to grow up to be violent. 

 

Tips for Positive Parenting 

1. Tasks and activities. Allow your child to assist with tasks that are beneficial to their development. 

2. Play with other kids. Your child should be encouraged to play with other kids. Let them run around, have creative roleplay activities, dance or singing play competitions, etc. This aids in their learning of the importance of friendship and sharing.

3. Problem-solving. When your kid is distressed, walk them through the stages of problem-solving.

4. Appreciation. Show them you care. Appreciate their successes.

5. Goals. Your kid will learn to take pride in themself and depend less on praise or rewards from others if you help them create their own attainable goals and objectives.

6. Good discipline. Instead of using punishment to make your kid feel horrible about themself, use discipline to teach and safeguard them. Any discussion of what to avoid should be followed by a discussion of what to do instead.

7. Time. Spend time with them. Bond through their favorite activities, such as biking, drawing, or playing musical instruments. 

8. Be active. Encourage your kid to get involved in school and neighborhood organizations, such as sports teams or nonprofit volunteer work. 

9. Moral principles. Discuss the importance of respect with your kid. Encourage them to provide aid to those in need. Have a conversation with them about what to do if someone is unkind or rude.

10. Chores. If they can already engage in domestic chores like cooking and cleaning, let them. This is to help them learn responsibility. But remember not to make it negatively forceful. 

 

Dont’s of Parenting 

• Don’t forget they are only kids and not adults. You can talk to them like adults but don’t expect them to behave like one. As if kids were adults, we must also listen to them. This can begin by giving them a voice and allowing them to express their worries or problems. Let them do kids' activities, let them play, and have a fun childhood. 

1. Don’t criticize and compare. We run the chance of forgetting what makes our children unique and wonderful if we judge them against their siblings or other kids. We are all unique in our own ways. We are the people we are because of a variety of talents, interests, personality traits, and abilities. The same holds true for our kids. Their anxiety and stress levels rise when we compare them to other kids all the time.

2. Don’t vent your frustration on them. Children are not a punching bag for your problems. Indeed, negative emotions don't have to be suppressed all the time, but they must be guided in the appropriate direction. Do your best to find the appropriate words, show respect, and remain attentive to the circumstances at hand, but don't hold back big, real-life problems that you know will ultimately come out.

3. Don’t punish them for expressing their feelings. Your child will acquire a strong emotional inhibition schema as well as other early maladaptive schemas if you punish (i.e., through punitive, dismissive, or rejecting behaviors) them for experiencing or expressing an emotion that you don't like. Such a child will eventually learn to repress their feelings, initially with you and then with others, after learning that some emotions are "inappropriate" or terrible and damaging.

4. Don’t helicopter parent. Coaching your child instead of a helicopter or dictatorial parenting is the best way to get them to stop acting out. Consider yourself your child's life coach—someone who will motivate them to make wise choices and serve as an example of proper conduct. How can your child ever learn to make decisions on their own if you constantly micromanage their actions?

 

Parents, It’s Okay to Make Mistakes 

What if we live in a world where there is no negativity? Would that entail a healthier, peaceful life? In this world, where should we stand as someone who is also living life for the first time? How many trials and errors can we make to achieve that ideal life for our children and for us? Is there an invisible limitation for a human being to commit mistakes, and how can I bounce back from every single one of those? Relax. Remember, no one is perfect. Even your favorite Netflix show character makes a plethora of mistakes– and we still love them! It is all right that we sometimes go astray, but keep in mind to be sensitive and attuned to the existing reality you have right now. 

How you show love to your child depends on you, but it is paramount to consider that there are inevitable consequences in every action or situation that can significantly affect your child and your relationship with them. We all do our best to express our love and care for others in the right way on how they deserve to be treated, but sometimes all we need is a little push towards the better and proper side. When you need it, do not hesitate to ask for assistance, support, or more parenting knowledge. Every parent ultimately encounters a complex child-rearing problem. Children expect much from their parents, yet parents are frequently distracted by other obligations. Asking for a helping hand from family, friends, or experts is nothing to be ashamed of. Parents, do not forget to take care of yourself, too; bear in mind that you can be the foundation for a more fantastic connection with your family. 

 

Quiz Time! Are You Wondering if You Are a Positive Parent or a Negative Parent? 

We got you, worried parents! We curated a special quiz for you to evaluate if you are more of a positive parent or a negative parent. Do not fret if you got an unexpected score because you are more than welcome to go back to this article if you need a little guidance! Also, it is perfectly fine if you do not get the perfect score because, once again, no one is perfect. Now, what are you waiting for? Click the link below to try or scan the QR code: 

 

Are You a Positive Parent or a Negative Parent? Take this Quiz to Know! 

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Child Development: Middle Childhood (6–8 years old) | CDC. (2021, February 4). Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/childdevelopment/positiveparenting/middle.html

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Gladstone, G. (2020, May 20). Don’t punish your child for expressing how they feel. Sydneyschematherapy. https://sydneyschematherapy.com.au/dont-punish-child-expressing-feel/

The Long Term Benefits of Positive Parenting - WAHM.com. (n.d.). WAHM Articles. https://www.wahm.com/articles/the-long-term-benefits-of-positive-parenting.html

Nelson, L. J., Padilla-Walker, L. M., & Son, D. (2019). Helicopter Parenting, Parental Control, and Moral Development During Emerging Adulthood. The Oxford Handbook of Parenting and Moral Development, 354–374. https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780190638696.013.21

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